Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
