I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize