(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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