i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
