I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
