you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
