The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I AM VODKA MAN
You were trust falling into bushes
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
