So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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