I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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