Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm both gender and math confused
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