So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
