a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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