Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just high enough for therapy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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