I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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