Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
