we have pet lesbian snakes
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
