Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
