Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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