i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
