Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
