how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
