You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
