what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
