But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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