Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
