There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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