I cannot find my penis.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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