i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
