My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
