Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
