Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
