Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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