His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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