I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize