bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
