She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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