i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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