He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
