My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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