Banned from zoo.
Again?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
