That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
3pm strippers are depressing
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
