Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
