i just had sex bonerless
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
