the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize