Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
