Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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