I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
