I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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