he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
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