I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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