so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
