Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
