he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
