Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
