What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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