What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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