I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize