it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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