Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize