Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
