how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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