they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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