thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
