may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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