my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
