So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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